Rage Against the Author
by tropermariko
Summary: "No. You know what? I quit. Screw your story, I'm staying home." When original characters decide that enough is enough, they must go through their own fantasy quest just be left alone. Crack.
1. Chapter One

**Summary:** "No. You know what? I _quit_. Screw your story, I'm staying home." When original characters decide that enough is enough, they must go through their own fantasy quest just be left alone. Crack.

This isn't to be taken seriously. Like, at all. Feel free to flame, guys; I don't really care anymore, and neither do these guys.

_

* * *

_

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, the queen gave birth to twins. . .

_Wait. Wrong story. Ignore that last line._

_Ahem._

_Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a young woman. She was an artist; however, she made only enough to get by. She was also under a curse that turned her into a fox with cold water, and back with hot._

In Nerima, Japan, a blonde girl sneezed suddenly, careful to cover the design before her. She frowned, knowing exactly what was going on.

_Her mother had died many years before; her father had disappeared long before then. Her family, though they had taken her in, did not like her, save for two of her cousins and her grandfather. A young man that proclaimed her as his goddess, though the woman thoroughly tried to get him to stop saying so, had also taken a liking to her. He too had a curse, though it was just the opposite of the woman's, changing from a fox into a human form._

"Oi, what the hell are you rambling about _now_? You realize _no one but you_ actually care about who I am, right?" the girl, one Mariko Mizuki, asked, annoyed at being interrupted in her work.

_. . .What, and you _don't?

"Nope," she said, popping the 'p', and erasing a line on the drawing. "I'm busy; like you said, I'm 'only making enough to get by'."

The last sentence was punctuated with a small glare of annoyance in no specified direction. There was silence for a few seconds.

_Oh, come on! You're my main character; if it wasn't for you, no one else would be here now!_

"Yeah, well, again, I'm busy trying to make a pretty fan," she said, going back to concentrating on her drawing more, waving a hand at empty air. "I'm not doing anything for you. And hopefully not for a long, long time."

_. . .You're _my_ character. Which means you have to listen to me!_

Mariko stopped drawing, freezing for a second. Then, she lowered her pencil, glaring at the ceiling in anger and crossing her arms tight against her chest. "No. You know what? I _quit_."

_Quit? You can't _quit_—you're _needed_ in the story!_

She continued to glare. "Screw your story, I'm staying home. Why don't you go bother one of your other characters? I'm not the only one you can pick on, you know."

"Yeah, you haven't thought about me in _ages_! I'm ready to murder someone!"

Mariko rolled her eyes. "Like you really need a reason to, Rei. . .you're a _thief_, a _Spider_. Did you not forget you massacred that entire clan? "

The newcomer grinned, brushing pink hair back from her face and matching colored eyes. "Yeah, yeah, don't you know the saying 'too much of a good thing'?" she stopped Mariko from saying that that wasn't how the saying was used by pointing at the ceiling. "And, I'm still waiting for you to finish James's profile so I can kill him again; have you even _started_ on it?"

_Hey, stop breaking the Fourth Wall! Do you know how long it takes for it to repair? And when the heck did you get here? Shouldn't you be. . .oh, I dunno, _in a different universe?

"Details, details," Rei waved off the annoyed tone directed at her. "Just send me the bill for the stupid wall, or whatever. I'm _waiting_."

No_. It'll just be a wasted effort if you're just going to kill him again. Besides, he can't really die, considering he's still one of my characters._

"Like I _care_. That just makes it more fun to get revenge, if I know he'll never actually die."

_. . .You're a very disturbing person, do you know that?_

"You're the one who thought me up."

_. . .Touché._

"Hey, guys, glad you're 'bonding' and all, but, can you all leave? I still haven't finished this drawing," Mariko said, making a shooing motion with her hands. Rei glared at her, irritated. No one shooed her away! "What? This is still my house; I deserve the right to kick you out before you decide to destroy it again. As usual."

_I'm not leaving until I get my story!_

"Why don't you use Rei? Or someone else?" Mariko gestured at the other person in the room. "I'm sure they'll be happy that you're actually using them in a story, besides that stupid alphabet one – shot you did. . ."

"Actually. . .we've got some complaints about that. . ."

_Oh, what _now_?_

"I'm actually going to have to agree with my 'creator' for once today," Mariko said, rubbing a temple. She idly wondered where Shiori was, so she could ask her to get her an aspirin. Or something for her growing headache. "What _are_ you guys doing here? And without Yuki 'n Towa?"

Natsu smiled. "Oh, they're back at Kou and Nekoni's house. They didn't want to come with us, so they stayed behind."

Said demon cat crossed his arms, frowning. "I should have stayed behind, too; Towa might have needed me. . ."

Kou rolled his eyes, and rested his arm on Nekoni's head, getting an indignant shout from him in return. "Hey, you and I both know that Towa can take care of herself; and, it's not like Yuki hasn't fought before. They'll be fine."

Nekoni huffed again, but didn't reply to the older bat demon.

_Um. . .hello? Busy trying to get Mariko to _listen_, here._

"Uh., . .hello? _Not_ doing it, here," she replied, getting more and more annoyed with this. Really, was a single peaceful moment too much to ask for?

"Sorry. Sidetracked," Natsu said quickly, before they got into another argument again. Those usually lasted for quite a while before they ran out of steam. "Anyways, we—or, rather, I—wanted to ask you that you _stop_ thinking of using me and Yuki in stories where we're split up and need a third party to find us. 'Cause, we _really_ don't want to be separated."

"And would it _kill_ you to fix Towa's problem?" Nekoni interjected. "I wanna see her fly again; is that too much to ask?"

_. . .I'm not fixing her._

"Why you—!" Kou grabbed the back of Nekoni's jacket before the cat could break anything in Mariko's shop. "Leggo!"

_Listen here, all of you._ Two males looked up in slight interest, while the third fumed silently; on the other hand, one female looked on in boredom, the other in annoyance. _You are all my characters, and as such, you have to _listen_ to me, no matter what. Mariko, you're doing that damn story. Rei, get back to Meteor City. Natsu, I'm not promising you that you two won't be separated. And Kou, Nekoni, I'm not curing Towa. Go _home.

The five of them shared one long look for a few seconds. Then Mariko crossed her arms, smirking. "Oh? And what if they don't _want_ to? What if they refuse to do anything you ask until you give us what we want?"

_Are you. . .are you _rebelling_ against me?_

"Maybe we are," Rei grinned, arms akimbo. This was turning out to be rather interesting. "Maybe we're finally fed up with you playing as if we're just toys."

_This is mutiny!_

"S'not mutiny if we never agreed to be part of your crew in the first place," Nekoni added, still frowning. Kou nodded.

_Fine. You want out?_

"Yes, please."

_Alright. . .I'll give you _out!

All at once, the room went dark. There was a pause, and someone coughed.

"Huh. I think we made her mad."

"Ya think?"

* * *

Second chapter pretty much over halfway done, I think. And, really, I'm serious about this not being taken seriously; this is being written for the lulz. And quite possibly see how many RPG elements I can parody along the way.


	2. Chapter Two

**Fandom:** My own dysfunctional one  
**Title:** Rage Against the Author  
**Warnings:** Original Characters. That's pretty much the first thing anyone cares about anyways. First post / fanfic on LJ as well. Chapter also contains heavy clothing description.  
**Author's Notes:** This isn't to be taken seriously. Like, at all. Feel free to flame, guys; I don't really care anymore, and neither do these guys. Based upon _Final Fantasy_, _Slayers_, _Golden Sun_, and other games / series with RPG elements. Also, the first fanfic I finally decide to dual post on and LJ is about my original characters. They're such spotlight hogs.  
**Summary:** "No. You know what? I quit. Screw your story, I'm staying home." When original characters decide that enough is enough, they must go through their own fantasy quest just to be left alone. Crack.

* * *

"—fault!"

"Just my fault? I recall you demanding things too, y'know."

"Hey, quit fighting, you guys. Look, Mari's starting to wake up."

Mariko groaned, not wanting to open her eyes to wherever they were. She didn't want to know what happened after her place blacked out, but her curiosity went against her better judgment. "Where are we?"

"Dunno. We just woke up here," Natsu said from her left as she sat up. The others were staring at her now, Rei to her right, then Kou and Nekoni completing their small makeshift circle. The room they were in was empty, with no doors or windows in sight. Well, she and Rei could always just make their own doorways. They and their friends did it often enough. "I think we really made her mad this time."

Rei scoffed. "This time? Who cares! She's such a wimp; she's pissed off because someone called us Mary Sues again and her pride's wounded."

_I can _hear_ you, you know!_

Everyone but Rei and Natsu jumped, not expecting to be heard. Mariko, after recovering from her mini heart attack, frowned, crossing her arms in annoyance. "What do you want? Where are we?"

_You're here because you wanted out, remember? Well, I'm giving you an exit._

"Oh really?" Rei asked, skeptical. "What's the catch? No way you're letting us off just like that."

_You have to do it _my_ way._

"No, really? And here I thought you'd hand us off to someone else," Nekoni retorted sarcastically. Kou, who had been silent the whole time, spoke up before there was a reply.

"And your way is. . .?"

_A test._

"Great, the answer's 42, password's swordfish, and she's a witch because she weighs the same as a duck," Rei grumbled, crossing her arms. "Can we go home now?"

_No, smartass. Not that kind of test. Think _Slayers_ or _Final Fantasy_ kind of tests._

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," Mariko groaned, slapping a hand over her eyes, having figured out exactly what she was talking about. "We gotta go through something like your stupid RPGs you're always playing?"

_They're not stupid!_

"Are too." Rei spoke, smirking.

_Are not!_

"Are too."

_Are not!_

"Are too—"

"Stop!" Kou shouted, hoping to stop them from continuing. Rei's arguments were worse than Mariko's, if only because Rei refused to back down no matter what. "What exactly do you mean by that? Are you inserting us in some RPG plot, or something?"

_Kind of. I figured you'd like to get the others back, so—_

"Whoawhoawhoa, waitaminute. _Others?_ What'd you do with Shiori?"

Instantly, Natsu, Kou, and Nekoni stiffened, eyes narrowing suspiciously at nothing. Was that why they were the only five here? The others had been taken? Were they—

_Hey, I'm not torturing them, sheesh. They're all fine. Well, most of them, anyways. Don't give me that look—_everyone but Rei was glowering at a wall. _I meant that some of them I'm using for your test. Like. . ._

Suddenly, a sixth person suddenly appeared, her eyes wide in surprise. Yomiko blinked, staring at the others before squeezing her eyes shut in irritation. "_What_ did you guys do?"

"Long story," Mariko said before everyone could shout their own versions of events at the aggravated Shinigami. She looked up at the ceiling. "So, what now?"

_Well. . .this, really._

"What are you—"

Everything went dark again. Rei swore. "Stop doing that!"

* * *

"—stupid! I _refuse_ to do this!"

"Oh, you're just sour because I'm a thief and you ended up as a useless mage."

"At least you two are not—oh, hello, Mariko. . ."

For the second time, Mariko was the last one to awaken. She sighed, wondering what she would wake up to now. She opened her eyes, then closed them again, placing a hand over them. Waking up to an isolated room was better than _this_.

Rei's usual short kimono had gotten shorter, showing off the bandages that she used to wrap her chest; the obi usually tying her shirt shut was now dangling around her waist, sleek knives balancing on either side of the strip. Her shorts remained fairly unchanged, and she now sported fingerless gloves. On her feet were brown boots that went halfway up her shins replaced the sandals that she normally wore. A bandanna was wrapped around her head, the ends of it trailing behind her.

Natsu had somehow acquired a heavy looking set of armor, knee high steel boots accompanying it. An axe was hanging from his right side, easily bigger than their heads, with a shield strapped tight to his back. His normal clothes had vanished, thick dark clothing showing where the armor didn't cover. His dark helm was under his arm, a plume of silver blowing in the slight breeze.

Kou's bat wings had disappeared, armor much like Natsu's covering his whole body instead. Only, while Natsu's armor was a dark blue shade with silver accents, his was black and gold, and reminiscent of a bat's, the helm he now wore sporting 'wings' on either side. A lance was being held in his hand, twirled and experimented with.

Nekoni's ears and tail were gone as well, although he hadn't gained any armor like the other two males. Instead, he wore dark robes, lined with gold, with a hood hanging behind him. As he shifted, Mariko could see that he wore a simple outfit under the heavy robes, with knee high dark boots. A staff with runes decorating it was on the ground, seemingly thrown there by him.

Yomiko. . .had been changed the most, if only because she had lost the sheep horns she had gotten when she became a Shinigami, and had shrunk so that she was the size of a fairy from a children's book. The blonde's usual impeccable dark clothing was replaced with a thick white dress and slip on shoes, a giant yellow ribbon tied around her waist. She had kept her wings, although they now sprinkled disappearing dust every time they fluttered. She looked a bit put off, but Mariko was sure any of them would be if they had changed like her.

She looked down at herself for the first time, not surprised that her clothes had changed as well. Though she still wore a skirt, it and her shirt felt like it was made of a heavier material, and was in a similar armor as Natsu. Unlike he and Kou, however, there was a circlet wrapped tight around her forehead; she could feel it digging into her skin a bit. Groping at her back revealed a sword strapped tight, even though she wasn't a swordsman. Her armor was a goldenrod color, lined with a light silver color.

Looking around yet again, it seemed like they had been left in a forest clearing; although she wasn't sure if this was a step up or down from the blank room, considering what they were left as. Why a forest Mariko could only guess, though it could be so that they wouldn't be seen suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Checking her skirt pocket, she found that the spare change she sometimes put there had turned into small gold coins.

_Yeesh. She's really serious about this, huh. . .?'_ Mariko thought, crossing her arms carefully, not used to wearing armor. She didn't know anyone back home who used armor; heck, they practically _were_ their own armor anyways. Nothing could faze the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Nothing. ( of course, considering all the weird things that went down there, nothing was really a surprise anymore. )

"So what now?"

Natsu shrugged, his armor clinking with his movement. "Probably go and see where we are. . .we can't stay in this forest forever, and we'll need to get food and other supplies."

"I am _not_ going out in the open looking like. . .like _this_," Yomiko growled, crossing her arms as she floated near Kou. "This is absolutely _humiliating_."

"Neither am I. It feels weird without my ears or tail," Nekoni growled; his anger still hadn't subsided since he first arrived, it seemed. Kou agreed with him, swaying slightly as if he was pretending his wings were still there. Rei rolled her eyes as she leaned against a tree, bored.

"Oh, quit being such babies; I doubt there'll be people we recognize here. . .and, if there are, there's always the chance that they won't remember you," she glanced at her nails, acting as if she cared what her nails looked like. "This kinda reminds me of Greed Island, now that I think about it. . .only, I actually _wanted_ to be in a stupid RPG."

Mariko sighed, shaking her head. "Well, Natsu, Rei, and I can go ahead, then; Nekoni, Kou, and Yomiko can stay here, and wait for us. . ."

The other five nodded; three of them gratefully settled on the grass to wait, while he other three headed out of the trees to see how bad their situation was.

* * *

Nn. . .rushed the ending, because _it. Wouldn't. Write._ Argh. Mariko's will end up as the point of view most of the time in the story for a couple reasons; one, because she, along with Shiori and Rei, are the easiest for me to write. Two, she's going to end up the leader of this Five Man Band + the Team Pet. Dear god, I listed the specific character tropes to them all. . .Mariko's the Hero ( aka the leader ); Rei's the Lancer ( the second in command / the one that rivals the hero ); Natsu is the Big Guy ( the brawn of the team ); Kou is the Smart Guy ( the brains ); Nekoni is the Chick ( HA! ); and Yomiko is the aforementioned Team Pet ( the cute little critter that the team owns ).

. . .Oh, Nekoni and Yomiko will have my hide for their roles, I just know it. . .


End file.
